The Elephant in the Room: How Relationships Make or Break the Success of Leaders and Organizations

NINE

Reframing Each Other

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to go into the pool until it's warm, but it won't be warm until I go in.

—MY GOOD FRIEND MAX SOSSA, EIGHT YEARS OLD AT THE TIME

All too often and much to our dismay, frustrating patterns of interaction persist despite our efforts to change them. The reason is simple: we give short shrift to the interpretations that keep them going. Left to their own devices, these interpretations have a nasty habit of getting stuck in one gear. No matter what someone does, we see him or her the same way. Soon our emotional reactions get caught in a rut, and our interactions start spinning their ...