Let’s Talk About It: Turning Confrontation into Collaboration at Work

APPENDIX A

QUESTION AND ANSWER

In conducting research for this book, I invited people to respond to the following question: “Imagine you have the opportunity to ask the world’s leading expert in interpersonal communication for advice on how to approach a difficult conversation. What would you ask?”

Here are some of what I view as the most critical questions and my answers to them:

1.   How do I make sure the person does not feel attacked and become defensive?

Focus on using “I”—for example, “I am feeling out of the communication loop” versus “Why aren’t you keeping me informed?” Point your finger at yourself: “I’m sorry, but I am confused and would appreciate clarification,” as opposed to “You must be confused.” Use empathy and validate feelings: ...